


Whispers into the Tide

by Zevgirl



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zevgirl/pseuds/Zevgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It is not your job to watch over my condition, Siha. If I die from a bullet to the head while you are covering me, then perhaps you have failed in your responsibilities, but this disease is beyond your control. You must accept that." But failure was not an option for Elizabeth Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strange Days

"Hey, Mordin." Shepard came into the lab, her usual brisk pace now weary, her shoulders slumped a bit. "Just wanted to let you know we're heading for Tuchanka. We should be there by tomorrow afternoon."

"Good. Celebration to begin after successful extraction of my student. Party in tech lab afterward, hosted by Mordin, if Commander agrees."

"Definitely. I'm ready for a party." She moved toward a lab table off to the side, frowning slightly, her eyes following the floor lines instead of piercing him with their usual questioning gaze.

The crew members had noted how she seemed withdrawn, worried, and preoccupied beyond reason the last day or so. Taken alone, any one of those moods would have been normal. But now she was a ball of tension, quiet and distracted. Even Kelly's psychological skills were of no use, not that Shepard would tell Kelly any secrets. She was more likely to unload her burdens on Mordin, knowing he would never gossip, never betray her trust. But more importantly, he would set her straight, give her the facts, all emotionality removed from the equation. Mordin wondered if it was something so simple it seemed complex, just like Shepard: gentle yet volatile, smooth, yet rough. Her eyes were guarded, but she often wore her heart on her sleeve. She was a most confusing and intriguing specimen.

Playing with the dials on a microscope, Shepard's hands shook slightly as she fumbled with a knob and tried to focus the dancing cells trapped on the slide. Mordin watched her operations on the screen at his table, silently berating her inexperience with lab equipment. _Commander should know better. Alliance lacking in scientific education of soldiers. Mental note to address topic next time on Citadel. Hardly matters now though. Cerberus in control._

"Shepard." She ignored him, her eyes never leaving the microscope. Or maybe she didn't hear him, so lost in thought.

She had been out of touch for a few days while on the Citadel with Thane and Jack, only contacting the Normandy when necessary. Anything could be brewing in her head, and Mordin was determined to discover the reason for her distraction. Although the rumor mill was probably right this time.

"Shepard," he said firmly.

"Hm?"

"You are unfocused and agitated. Spending time with Jack the cause, no doubt."

"Nah, I've got her number. She's all right. Besides, she disappeared for a while after we found Thane's son."

"The drell assassin made you uncomfortable then. Wouldn't want to get on his bad side. Deadly."

"He's not very assassin-like, you know. If you had seen him with his son, even you would have felt compassion."

"What? I feel compassion, Shepard. But Salarians' emotions pass quickly, not like humans who dwell on what ifs. Feel, analyze, accept, move on. Little time wasted." Now he was getting somewhere with her, and he pressed on. "Thane is a devoted father now. But guilt burdens him. You could help with his guilt."

"Me? What do I know about having a kid?"

"Didn't say help with kid. Said help with guilt. You know the drill. 'Been there, done that' as you say. Your experiences can help him." Mordin noted her body tense at his words. The microscope's sensors started to beep when her thumb jerked along the pads on the side, and Mordin took the opportunity to launch his calculated attack. "Leave equipment alone, Shepard. Not for unskilled hands."

"Ah, okay." Shepard's eyes searched the lab and fell upon a large piece of covered test equipment across the room.

 _Looking for another instrument to break,_ Mordin thought _. Will get straight to the point now._ "Speaking of hands, Thane has exceptional hands, strong and capable. Textured, but rather soft. Have you felt them?"

She peeked under the wrapping and squinted. "Why would I feel his hands?"

"Because they are there. Curiosity factor. And he wants to feel yours."

Peering over her shoulder, she grimaced. "How do you know that?"

"Accidently spied a moment. Saw him reach out this morning after breakfast, but he retracted before you noticed. Chickened out. In any case, reciprocation in order."

"Are you sure about that, Mordin?" She straightened and headed for him. "I mean we just spent three days together, and I didn't notice any kind of interest for me on his part."

"What did you do there? Sit around and argue who has better aim? Trade insults? Wrestle for authority?"

"Those aren't _fun_ things to do, Mordin. No, we hung out, talked, even danced a little. Well, I danced. He watched."

"Hm. Interesting."

Her eyes narrowed. "It was all purely platonic."

"Negative. You are in denial, afraid to love again. Understandable, but imprudent. Humans need physical contact. Even a small amount of unconditional support from significant other changes brainwaves, makes humans more… productive. Although in your case, it seems to have made you less productive. Well, don't have significant other… yet."

"I'm perfectly fine without a significant other, Dr. Solus. I like Thane as a friend. Nothing more."

"More denial, or possibly ignorance. Humans have names for your condition, you know. Crush, lust, desire, infatuation. Do you find him attractive? Enjoy his company above all others? Tell him facts no one else knows? Yes, yes, and yes."

"All right, I admit sometimes it can be lonely here on the ship, but why would I get involved with anyone I work so closely with?"

"Can't answer for you. Typically a human's brain and heart battle until one wins out. Just trying to speed things along."

"You know I wouldn't lie to you, Mordin. I really did enjoy last week. I was more relaxed on the Citadel than I've been since the old Normandy days. But I'm sure he doesn't feel the way I… the way you think."

His eyes darted to her as she picked at a hangnail. "Wrong. All symptoms add up correctly. Sexual attraction. I'd bet my career on it." She pinned him with a glare, not that he would ever back off. "Besides, ship gossip suggests Elizabeth Shepard and Thane Krios 'get a room.'"

"Shit." Color bloomed on her cheeks as she blew out a long breath. "I've lost some respect points then. Shit!"

"Crew wants you happy, Shepard. No worries. They respect you." He found it amusing to watch her stare back at him, to imagine the gears in her head grinding.

"I'm still not convinced he has any interest in me beyond the mission."

"Clearly you were not listening to me. When Thane is near you, intense staring follows. Breathing grows erratic. Slight swelling visible under his armor. "

"Swelling?" she said, in a high-pitched squeak.

"Salarians not lewd like humans," he scoffed. "Muscles tense and fill armor due to apprehension. Rapid eye blinking. Anxiety becomes palpable. Arousal imminent."

"Really? You noticed all that?"

"Of course. What kind of scientist would not see details? May be a good distraction for you both. Tension release is critical for superior leadership and mission success. Kepral's has not advanced to the point of crippling him. On or off the Normandy."

Her eyes blinked and her tone changed to one that was troubled. "His health is still pretty good at the moment then?"

"Concern logical, but no need to worry. Cardiovascular exercise is helping lung capacity to remain stable. Physical stimulation also beneficial in keeping tissues flexible."

She breathed out a sigh of relief and rested her hands on the table. "Mordin, you've examined drells who have Kepral's, seen the data. Is a cure really that far from being discovered?"

"Hard to say. Some want cure. Others, not so much."

"Right. Getting rid of an entire species seems to be a more and more popular point of view," she said. "Have you looked into the cure lately? Do you have any ideas or ways to speed up the research? I can't believe a cure, or at least an inhibitor, is impossible to find."

"Did some extrapolation in the past, but Genophage took precedence. Had to stop Kepral's research. Retirement, then Omega, the plague, Collector mission, blah, blah, blah. Never ends."

"Could you start up the Kepral's research again? As a favor to me?"

"I see, Shepard. Thane is important to you." He stared at her for a moment, noted the desperate pleading in her gaze. "Can run some tests on his intake data, but samples are too few for real study. Need more. But will cross-check Normandy's genetic and biological data with hanar's scientists' data. Cerberus research often light-years ahead of others."

"I don't think Thane will agree to any testing or biopsies. Is there a way do it without him? Like getting DNA from a drinking glass or something?"

"Detective Shepard's idea not bad. But need more than lip cells. Other layers necessary, like dermis or subcutis. Bodily fluids would be even more valuable. Will search life support and bathroom."

"Better you than me," she said, looking mildly revolted. "But he hardly ever leaves life support."

"Then keep Thane preoccupied in your cabin tonight. Humidity levels can be brought down in your cabin easily."

An eyebrow rose. "Is that an order?"

"Apologies, Shepard. Not overstepping bounds, just suggesting a course of action to facilitate sample gathering."

"I'm only kidding with you, Mordin. You're very endearing when you want to help out." She stepped closer to him. "I could hug you right now."

He jumped back. "Soon to be in a monogamous relationship with the drell! No more flirting," he said matter-of-factly. "Not fair to any parties involved. Also, have some suggestions for personal time spent with him, if you want them."

"If you think it's important, then yes, tell me. I know what he's going through, and I'd like to help him," she said softly.

Was Thane as broken as she, Mordin wondered, and did she recognize it? Was it possible for each of them to become whole again? Too many questions and no reliable way to determine the answers just yet. "Drell/Human liaison complex. Thane complex too. Emotionally vulnerable. Heart fragile and in need of restoration."

"I won't push him, if that's what you mean." Again, she stared at Mordin, comfortable enough with the nature of the conversation, yet visibly worrying about a relationship with the drell. "What else?"

"Sexual activity normal as stress release. Still recommend caution with Thane. No prolonged skin contact… unless rash and itching excite you."

She rolled her eyes and her cheeks flared crimson. "I can't believe I'm considering this. Anything else?"

"Oral contact may cause mild hallucinations. Prophylactics available in medical lab if needed."

"Not sure I'd mind being out of touch with reality for a while."

"Your choice. Also forwarding booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overview."

"Now you're messing with me, Mordin."

"Would never dream of mockery! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust, Shepard." The conversation was oddly gratifying for Mordin, and he realized that a few of the annoying nuances of human behavior were actually quite entertaining. "Giving EDI demonstration vids to use as needed. Also have oils and ointments to reduce discomfort if interested."

"You know, Mordin, you just gave me the ultimate birds and bees talk."

"Assuming parental guidance, but merely offering expert advice. Friendly advice too. Friends are rare. Must cultivate friendship for life to help through good times and bad."

"Mordin, you surprise me every single day." She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave a little squeeze. "Thanks for helping me out."

"Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here studying current cell reproduction data of drells until date with Thane begins. Manuals and vids will keep subject occupied long enough for DNA search, and then some. Make most of time."

"I'll try to. Not sure the vids and manuals will come into play just yet." She stopped and turned to him, a curious look on her face. "I never see him eating. He does eat most foods, doesn't he?"

 _Bingo!_ "Will need to obtain freeze-dried flies and other insects for snacking." Her jaw dropped, shocked into silence, and it was all Mordin could do to keep from laughing out loud. "Joke!"

"Right." She shook her head, but didn't look particularly upset. "You know what they say about payback, Dr. Solus."

"I do. Not afraid though. More where that came from."

"I think Joker's been rubbing off on you." A laugh bubbled out of Shepard at Mordins's clever tease. "I approve."

"Knew you would. Anyway, drell are omnivorous. Eat much the same as humans. Bon Appétit!"

"Thanks, Mordin."

He nodded as she left, a spring in her step, her shoulders squared, and her chin held high. When the lab doors slid shut, Mordin allowed himself a moment to gloat. "Brilliant work, Doctor. Simply brilliant." Then his eyes focused on the screen as his fingers tapped, all recent information about Kepral's Syndrome filling his field of vision.

* * *

Shepard made her way to life support. Her nerves twitched, her senses ruffled, and her skin tingled in ways unlike the adrenaline rush before a fight. Her hand pressed against the wall as the doors opened, and she tried hard not to panic. One heavy step, then another, led her inside the room. She found Thane sitting at a table, quiet and reflective, as usual.

She cleared her throat. "Got a minute, Thane?"

He looked up at her and saw the fatigue in her eyes, but her face was strangely aglow, as if lit from within by a powerful sweet fire. His soul was caught up in wonder. "For you, I have many minutes. Join me." She sat down in front of him, her expression wistful. He hoped he hadn't inadvertently put her off with his sincere approach. "You look tired, Shepard. Are you all right?"

"I am tired, but I'm used to it. What are you up to?"

"I was just composing a message to Kolyat. Maybe you can give me your opinion, tell me if it sounds too… aggressively paternal."

"Is that even possible? Fathers are supposed to be serious about their kids, or so I assumed."

She cracked her knuckles, still avoiding his gaze. "As an orphan, you did not experience familial love, and yet you seek to help others feel a sense of family. That's why you also set Mouse up with a job in C-Sec. I saw the kind heart you have, the heart hidden beneath the ruthless soldier's armor."

Her eyes came to rest on his face, and her smile lingered for an introspective moment before fading. "He seemed like..." Her voice was raspy, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Mouse seemed like an okay kid. Everyone deserves a second chance, don't you think?"

"Yes. When you told me of your childhood, I shouldn't have been surprised that you understood how surviving in the dark depths at an early age affected Mouse. We have a lot in common in that regard."

"I guess we do." She smoothed away some stray hairs and twirled a lock around her finger, an appealing albeit nervous habit he noted during their time on the Citadel. "Anyway, I got an email from Bailey. Sounds like Kolyat is doing well. Bailey said he's helping to get kids out from under the mercs' thumbs in the Wards."

He nodded. "He's even infiltrating various gangs and pulling out the kids who don't seem lost yet, finding them jobs and homes."

"You should be proud, Thane, of him and of yourself."

"I am proud of him. I always told him to use the gifts he'd been given to make a difference." He looked away for a moment. His pride went only so far, not quite reaching himself, not yet anyway. "I only wish there was a way to repay Bailey's kindness, and yours as well."

She shrugged. "Bailey's happy to help. Don't worry about repaying him."

"And you?"

"All part of the job," she said glibly. "These individual successes keep morale up too. I need everyone's loyalty once we start the Omega 4 mission."

"I think you'll have their loyalty with or without any side trips. But you're using loyalty as an excuse," he said. "You want to help your crew, see them happy, if only for a moment. That's admirable."

"Oh, you're just throwing compliments at me to stay on my good side," she said, with a sheepish little smile. "I'm sure you're still riding the high from seeing your son."

"I am, but I'm not wrong about you, am I?"

She sighed, clearly uncomfortable with his ability to read her so well."No." She knew his powers of deduction were a force to be reckoned with, and there would be no escape from it. But would that really be so bad? "You've got me pegged, Krios. A point for you."

"Don't worry, I won't tell the crew, Commander Shepard. Better to think you'd slit their throats for an infraction than cuddle up with them, right?"

She laughed, the tension now broken. "Yeah, there will be no cuddling on my ship." In a brazen moment, she winked at him.

"Perhaps you haven't listened carefully enough around the kitchen. I think 'cuddling' is putting it mildly."

"Things can get pretty tense around here. As long as they're around when I need them, the crew can spend their free time with whomever they want, doing whatever they want."

He wanted to ask her if she ever took any time for herself, to relax in the arms of another, to enjoy the moments of bliss that came with sharing your body with a lover, but sensed she wasn't ready to answer a question so intimate. "There are rewards to be had here, but it's a hard life, no question."

"You know how it is, Thane. This life, this… jaded crew. They can't see their families or friends, if they even have any. They could all be going to their deaths, with me taking point. It's ridiculous on so many levels," she blathered on. "Even the Illusive Man gave me some grief for the side trips, but then he must have had a moment of compassion when he agreed that it helped keep the crew optimistic."

"Your crew _is_ optimistic, never doubt it. And from what I've seen, they all seem contented, determined to help you stop the Collectors. You can't ask for more than that."

"Well, most of them have exorcised their demons already," she said. "To be honest, I was worried you'd spend all your time brooding if things didn't go well with Kolyat. It is good to see you happy now."

"It's been a long time since I've had any peace of mind. If we are ever near the Citadel again, I would be grateful to stop and visit him, to see him before I am unable."

"Of course," she said in a low voice, tensing, and he knew then that mentioning his illness was a mistake, given that she would need everyone's help in the near future, no room for the infirm.

Still, he didn't want her to be under any illusions as to his fate. "I'm sorry if I upset you by mentioning my condition."

"It's okay." She waved off his apology, then proceeded to ramble on again. "You know, Mordin has worked with patients who have Kepral's. Maybe he can come up with a cure, or at least something to slow it down. He cured the plague on Omega and designed a new genophage, and God, so much more. I'm sure he could do something, even if it's only to slow the disease."

"I've been a research project several times before, a subject of experiments. No more."

"I promise he won't be invasive," she said calmly, but there was an edge in her tone, a hint of deeper worry.

His heart skipped, the concern in her voice as distressing as it was inspiring. "Genetic engineers have researched Kepral's for several years. If the finest scientists in the galaxy haven't come up with a cure yet, Mordin won't either."

"You don't know that. You don't know how brilliant he is, what he can accomplish in a short time."

"The disease is more advanced than you realize. I still have eight, maybe twelve months before I am incapacitated though. Our mission will be done by then, and I will not trouble you with my illness afterwards."

With brows knitted, her palms flattened on the table. "I'm not asking because of the damn mission, Thane. Why are you refusing help? Just let him-"

"You are being selfish, Shepard. I am prepared for death. Perhaps _you_ are not as ready for certain losses as you think."

"I'm ready for my death, just not the death of those I… those under my watch."

He took in a sharp breath, her stutter not lost on him. "It is not your job to watch over my condition. If I die from a bullet to the head while you are covering me, then perhaps you _have_ failed in your responsibilities, but this disease is beyond your control. You must accept that."

"Why should I?" she said, her chair screeching as it slid backward. "If I accepted failure for things that seemed impossible, I wouldn't be standing here right now."

"But this is personal, not business. I am only one person out of the many to cross your path in life. Surely you can make an exception and accept my inevitable death."

"No, I can't. It's not that simple."

The soft expression in her eyes gave him hope. She did care for him, he was sure of it. "Nothing is ever simple, but it need not be made more complicated by wishing for the unattainable."

"Christ, you argue like a lawyer."

"No I don't." He laughed, experiencing the lightheartedness he only felt while spending time with her. "I argue because I care, not for recompense, because you are a friend."

"Sorry," she said softly. "I didn't mean to sound callous. I'm just tired, tired of being tired." Her hands went to her head, fingers pressing her temples, seeking to reduce the tension. This was shaky ground. Deep down she wanted to encourage him to share his feelings, but didn't want to offend him. "Thane, I've been thinking about you, a lot, and… I've never met anyone like you. I can't help but think…."

"What? That our meeting was preordained somehow?"

"Yeah."

"I believe it was an intervention by the gods, Siha."

"You're calling me that again. Tell me what 'Siha' means."

"First, will you hear my confession?"

"Another confession? Lately, our conversations have been nothing _but_ confessions." She sighed, exasperated by her own inability to be completely forthright. "Go ahead, lay it on me."

"After hunting down Irikah's killers, I took that job on the Citadel because I had nothing else to do, no goal. But I would have died in that penthouse after killing Nassana Dantius if not for you."

"I don't understand," she said. "I came after you to join the Omega 4 mission, but how is that related to a contract you took out of boredom?"

"It was to be my last mission. My soul was already dead, and I was no longer whole. I'd resigned myself to death. If her guards or the police had come, they would have killed me, and it would have been a good death. I was ready. But you came instead, pushing me, rushing me, always on my heels, and I had to reach the mark first."

"And you were too proud to falter?"

"Yes. But that is not my point. You called Omega 4 a 'suicide mission'. That offered me another chance to go out with a bang and not a fizzle. So I accepted," he paused, tentatively reaching for her hand. He wasn't sure she would let him take it, but she seemed to welcome the touch, to accept what he was sure was a remarkably different sensation than touching a human's hand. "Siha, I realize now that you were a revelation to me that day, and I am rarely shaken by anything, but you awoke me. _You_ altered the course of my life."

"I'm still a bit confused, Thane." She held fast to hand, squeezing it tighter, but not seeming to notice she was doing so. "Tell me what 'siha' means."

"Siha is one of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. A tenacious protector. Fierce in wrath. You are here to protect everything from the lowest form of life to the most formidable. And I reside somewhere in between."

"Wow, that's… that's quite a compliment." Her lashes fluttered over her eyes, a faint flush rising from her ne _c_ k upward.

"I was surprised you were human though."

"Oh really?" She laughed, then turned serious and fixed him with a keen look. "I haven't been totally honest with you, Thane. I want to be there for you, to… I don't what. Share things with you, be a confidant, a close friend."

"And here I thought there would be no one to mourn me when I die." He smiled at his attempt at humor.

"I'm serious," she said, her red face and narrowed eyes indicating she had not appreciated his attempt at wit. "Please don't tease me right now."

"I apologize. I thought it might lighten the mood, but my sense of humor is still quite rusty." He went to her and laid his hands on her shoulders, kneading until she lifted her head and met his eyes. "You are the only friend I've made in ten years, and you already have a place in my heart, Siha. Strange that I should only reawaken now when there is so little time left."

"Please stop saying that, counting down the minutes. I know it must be on your mind all the time, but I can't have it on _my_ mind."

"I'm a distraction then," he said, stepping back. "I don't wish to be, unless I am a good distraction and it helps you in some way."

Now was the time to lay it on the line. She leaned closer to him. "I've enjoyed every minute spent with you these last couple weeks. You've helped me more than you know, Thane. And there are no rules about fraternizing with the crew here, like there are in the Alliance. I'd like to see if we are… compatible. I mean that is if you want to try to... get together and maybe... Shit, I'm sorry. I'm never this tongue-tied."

And this was his chance, maybe his last chance. "I confess I have feelings for you, Siha, affection I have never felt for another species. But it may be unwise as we are very different. Hearts are fragile things, and even a little confusion can cause permanent damage, to you or… me." Her face fell, and he quickly responded. "But I'm willing to try if you are. Tell me if you want to explore this."

"I do. I _know_ this emotion, Thane. I know what love feels like in the beginning. This is the closest thing to it. We're not there yet, but I feel something more than just friendship."

"As do I." He took her hands in his again and was relieved to find her relaxed. "I'm not sure what to say, what do now, Siha."

"Kiss me, then. We'll figure out the rest along the way."

He smiled in response, a response so rare he could count the number of times he'd done it, most of which were in her presence. His cool lips started to warm as he placed soft kisses along the side of her neck, then on her face, brushing against her cheek as his hand slid across the back of her neck and around her shoulder, drawing her forward. His tongue touched her teeth and circled her mouth slowly, joining and playing with her tongue, strong and absolutely masculine, patient and insistent all at once. She pulled away, blinking up at him with a new shyness. His eyes were fixed on her, his body rigid, but it was brief, the memory imprinted to last forever.

He tilted his head, wondering why she didn't speak. Then he saw it. "I see something in your eyes, Siha. Hesitation. Fear maybe. You're wondering how this dying man will change you, change your future. I don't want you to regret this. You've lost so many people in your lifetime already."

"No, don't say that," she said forcefully. "I learned what regret can do to you a long time ago. And I know I can't walk away from you now. I'm just a little nervous. You have an effect on me, I feel… passions I haven't felt since-" She stopped, and he watched her eyes dart around the room as she backed away from him.

"Kelly told me about Major Alenko, how he turned his back on you on Horizon." Shepard's eyes widened, her sharp intake of breath disquieting. He moved closer to her, taking her hand in his, bestowing a soft kiss on the back of it. Their bodies were almost touching now, and he felt the bitterness pulse off her, resentment she couldn't hide. "Kelly did not disclose the nature of your relationship with the Major outside your positions in the Alliance, so do not be angry with her. I asked about your old ship and crew, and she simply answered."

"She was supposed to be adding to your psych profile, not delving into mine." Shepard couldn't revisit that moment on Horizon, couldn't even imagine the disgust written all over Kaidan's face when he realized she was working with Cerberus. He had made her feel small and disturbingly defenseless that day, and for many days afterward the memory haunted her. _Damn him!_

"Siha, I would tell you if she said anything inappropriate. And you don't have to tell me about him."

She tensed, wanting to run from the room, to take an ice-cold shower while berating herself for being stupid enough to believe a man like him could ever love her in the midst of all the chaos and Cerberus bullshit. But he held her tightly, imploring with his gaze. Resistance was futile. She found strength in his eyes, eyes so dark and piercing, eyes she could drown in.

"You deserve the truth, Thane. What others think of my past or current relationships is of no concern to me. But I don't want any secrets between us."

"You owe me no explanations, Siha."

"Yes, I do." She took a deep breath, emboldened by his gentle and gracious demeanor, and his admission of affection. "Kaidan and I were romantically involved. Then I was dead, and two years went by and he moved on, as he should have. But it still hurt, you know? Apparently I was thinking with my heart and not my head at the time."

"I am sorry, Siha, sorry for the pain he caused you. He was foolish, but that led us here, to this moment, and I will be grateful for his foolishness for the rest of my days." Silence descended and he looked at her with eyes unblinking.

"What is it, Thane?"

"So Kaidan was your love. And you, his."

She nodded slowly. "It was a beautiful dream while it lasted. But what I felt for him is gone now, lost, right along with those two years Cerberus spent keeping me alive. And I'm okay with that."

He put a finger under her chin, raising her face to his gentle smile. "Your poker face hasn't won you much money, has it?"

She shook her head. "I should know better than to put it on in the presence of an assassin. In truth, I'm _almost_ okay with it. Ninety-nine percent okay with it. But I am ready for new dreams, Thane, new memories. Better ones… with you."

"Love is endless, Siha. Do not feel as though you must ignore the past for my sake. I still love Irikah, still cherish our time, even though she is no longer my lover. Allow the same for yourself."

"How can you be so selfless? It's not something most men are capable of. But then I suspect you are not like most men."

"Time is short for me. I have no need to play coy or flirt constantly to snare you in my trap. I can only be honest and hope that you will accept my ramblings."

"I will, Thane. Absolutely." Her hand came up to his face, fingers tracing along his cheek. "I've got get back to CIC, but I haven't read your message to Kolyat yet. Can I do it later?"

"Yes, and I understand. You have a ship to run."

"Come up to my cabin for dinner in about an hour. I'll have the humidity levels set as low as possible. We'll talk more then, okay?" It was so hard to walk away from him — just leave him there. But there would time for more questions later, more intimacy and maybe laughter. She smiled at him, her eyes distant and blurred with desire.

Faster than she could react, Thane moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her upper chest and shoulders, pulling her to him. He continued to hold her, to feel the steady beat of her heart, whispering sweetly. "You're skin is so soft, so… pleasant and warm. It feels…." The words, the sentiment flew from his head as he savored this new and exquisite sensation.

"So strange." A purr came from her lips as she ran her hand along his arm, her fingertips feeling every subtle ridge and dip in their differences. "And yet so damn good."

"Yes," he whispered in her ear. "Exactly what I was thinking."

She twisted to face him, twining her arms around his neck. "I don't want to leave you right now, so do me a favor and tell me to go do my job."

He growled, and she felt a disagreeable rumble come from his throat. "Go do your job, Siha. I'll be at your side before long."

"Say it again. Call me 'Siha' again."

"Siha, is this your demanding side?"

"You may not be aware, but I have a 'no teasing' policy on this ship." With a restrained laugh, she poked his shoulder. "But I suppose I can make an allowance, at least for tonight."

He captured her face in his hands, his thumbs gliding over her cheekbones, his gaze intense, and then he proceeded to kiss her breathless, leaving her gasping when he pulled away. He pressed a comforting kiss to the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her jaw and neck. When he finally stepped back, a curious grin spread across his face, as if he had a secret tactical move he wanted to use. "Do you have specific plans for us tonight? Should I bring anything special?"

"Just… just be on time. You're special enough."

His heart thumped in his chest. The scent of her hair, the feel of her skin as his fingers trailed across the velvety softness of her wrists had weakened him. He brushed a lingering kiss against her cheek.

"All right, Siha. I'm never late for a date."


	2. A Meal to Remember

Thane was making his way to Mordin's lab when inspiration struck. Garrus and Joker were talking by the water cooler, and even though he knew he would probably be the victim of several jokes afterward, he was compelled to ask them about Shepard.

"Hey, Krios. What's going on?" Garrus asked.

"Hello, Garrus. Joker," he said in greeting. "I have a question for you both, if I may." They looked at him expectantly. "Can you tell me what Shepard prefers to eat for her evening meals?"

"Hot date, huh?" Joker said, then leaned closer to Thane. "Don't tell her it came from me, but I happen to know she loves fried hamster with that spicy Tuchanka sauce. It tastes just like chicken."

"Give the guy a break," Garrus piped in. "He's just messing with you, Krios. If you really want to impress her, have Gardner cook up some varren smothered in a creamy peanut butter sauce. It's definitely a favorite of hers." Garrus peered around the kitchen. "And another thing, she likes a shot or two of ryncol to relax." Garrus slapped him on the back. "Good luck, Krios. Just remember, the last guy who let her down is at the top of everyone's shit list around here."

 _Ah, a threat. How decent of him._ Thane cleared his throat. "Right, Garrus. I hear you."

"Yeah, no date from hell please, or she'll be a real hard-ass for days," Joker said.

Thane nodded. "Thank you for your input, Joker." _Is the ship on autopilot?_ he thought to ask, but refrained.

As Thane walked away, he was surprised by the lack of snickering, but figured he would get some ribbing eventually. By the time he got to Mordin's lab, he was convinced practical jokes must have been routine on the old Normandy. He assumed the Collector mission weighed heavily on everyone's mind and maybe that was why a cloud of impending doom seemed to hang over this crew. He wanted Shepard to have lighter moments though, to forget the Collectors, to get carried away by the moment, but that would be asking her to forget her purpose in life. At the very least, he would tempt her with the idea, no matter how brief the moment.

"Hello, Thane. Timing excellent," Mordin said from his lab table. "Just finished reading."

Thane approached the doctor, who was to be his last physician, he assumed. "You asked to see me. Is anything wrong?"

"No, no. Simply wanted to be sure you had enough meds in case I don't come back from Tuchanka."

"Are you planning to go AWOL?" Mordin didn't answer him right away, and a twinge of anxiety raced through him.

"Tempting thought, but no. Taking precautions. Don't know if things will go smoothly. In any case, Dr. Chakwas is surprisingly skilled and fully aware of all aspects of Kepral's and your needs."

"I see. Thank you for thinking of me," he said as Mordin resumed his work. Thane was certain Shepard would ask him to help rescue Mordin's student. Still, he made a mental note to confirm that later. "I don't want to keep you from your work, but I have a quick question, if you don't mind."

"Shoot." Mordin glanced up. "Not literally."

"Do you know what Shepard's favorite meal is? I couldn't get a straight answer from Garrus or Joker. I'm sure they were steering me toward foods she disliked, as a practical joke."

"Typical sophomoric behavior," he said with sudden head shake. "While on the Normandy, she likes greasy cheeseburgers with fries. Mayo on the side. At a good restaurant, rib eye steak, medium-rare, with baked potato, four spoonfuls of sour cream and excessive amounts of chives to garnish. Don't understand. Leads to halitosis. Anyway, for beverages, Shepard likes Canadian beer or champagne for special occasions. Champagne with _strawberries_ will increase bonus points. Never let her drink ryncol. Bad things happen. Not at liberty to discuss."

Thane's reaction was a low chuckle. "An amusing story, no doubt. Thank you, Mordin."

"Any interest in latest Kepral's research?" Mordin blurted as Thane turned to leave. "Just read encouraging report on new lung tissue substitutes as well as fancy new antibiotic."

"I don't really have the time right now. Maybe later," he said, continuing toward the door.

"Fine. Will forward to Shepard instead."

"Why would you-" Thane froze, the truth now obvious as he said, "Because she asked you to look into it." Shepard had disregarded everything he'd told her, and while a flare of anger stirred in him, his heart clenched up, a stabbing ache, pain that his condition worried her so.

"When Shepard is determined, look out." Thane had no comment, not a slight smile, not even a twitch of his lips. "Only wants best for you, Thane. Doesn't want you to die because of Kepral's. Boulder falling on your head would be more acceptable."

"I understand, Mordin. More than you can imagine."

How many times had his hopes for a cure been dashed after experiencing an initially successful treatment? He remembered exactly how many times, but refused to acknowledge it aloud. Even so, hearing Mordin voice her feelings gave it new validity somehow. Those few words were enough for him to cross the barrier, to contemplate fighting with everything he had to conquer the sickness that threatened his body, if only for her sake.

"All right. Give me the latest information and I will pass it along to Shepard."

"Knew you'd see reason." Mordin nodded once.

Thane braced himself for the onslaught of information he was about to hear. But he wasn't expecting a memory to pierce the moment.

_Straps keep me down. A sharp pain stings the left side of my neck. Blood fills the syringe. I go still. Measurements, weights, and X-rays. More injections. Straps loosen and I bend over, holding my stomach as the bile rises._

"Bad memory, Thane?"

"Yes." He shoved the memory away with dogged determination. "Apologies. Please, go on."

Mordin nodded. "As you know, drell lung tissue replacement is difficult to create mainly due to low physical density. But recent study has developed a matrix having proper characteristics to simulate lung tissue. Physical properties of ionized composition cork are most like that of lung tissue in drells aged 30 to 60. Preliminary data suggests new inhalant successfully replaced lung tissue in eighty-one percent of test subjects over two-year time period. Varying degrees of success cited, but combined with new antibiotic, Gomatazine, success levels increased significantly." Thane didn't move or speak. Mordin's confusion grew, not understanding why Thane wasn't asking for the inhalant immediately. "That is all, Thane. Very promising, don't you agree?"

"And the side effects?" he asked, hearing the hesitancy in his own voice.

"Minor. Include, but are not limited to, headache, throat irritation, and vomiting. Much less common is insomnia, muscle aches, and dry mouth. Not bad, considering it might extend your life."

"Is the inhalant in production yet?"

"Will be within six months. But with Shepard's approval, and a few tissue samples from you, I can replicate the inhalant here, no question. Interested?"

"I will think on it. Thank you." Not wishing to offend Mordin with dubious praise, he bowed his head and silently prayed. _Arashu, this one is kind. Watch over him._ "And thank you for giving her hope."

"You are a good match for her, Thane. Enjoy your date. Relaxation very beneficial."

"Yes," he said, turning to go. "I will make sure she has some relaxing moments tonight."

"Wait!" Thane looked at him inquisitively. "Almost forgot. Forwarding you valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overview," he said. "Happy reading."

"Will she want to compare notes with me?" he asked, sure Mordin had given her the same information, but still needing verification.

"Maybe."

Thane smiled. The thought of Shepard analyzing the intricacies of interspecies love-making amused him, and aroused him. He found his legs curiously swift as he headed for life support.

* * *

"EDI, Thane is due here in a little while. Can you give me a heads up five minutes before the hour?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Once he's here, I don't want to be disturbed unless it's urgent." Shepard kicked off her shoes and headed for the shower.

"How long will he be meeting with you, Commander?"

"Good question." She scratched her head and closed her eyes. All she could see were diagrams of human women and drell men having sex. "At least an hour." Then the vids came to the forefront of her mind. Porn, in her estimation, very far from clinical. Well, there was no sound, only dry narration, but still. "It could be hours or minutes. I don't know EDI! Just don't let anyone bother me. I'll let you know when he leaves."

"Yes, Commander."

"Have Mess Sergeant Gardner send up our dinners. See if he knows what Thane's favorite meal is because I sure as hell don't. A simple sandwich for me, ham and cheese. That's not too messy."

"Yes, Commander."

Her clothes came off piece by piece. A very cold shower was in order, she'd decided. But when she dipped a toe under the spray, she adjusted the temperature to warm it a bit. "No use freezing my ass off. Hot or cold, I'm sure I'll be screwed as soon as I see him," she said to herself, then laughed aloud, albeit a pathetic little laugh. "Screwed. God, it's been so long." She dropped her chin to her chest, her hair clinging to her dampened temples, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps. _What am I thinking? It's too soon for that. Okay, toughen up, Shepard. Toughen up, calm down and stop thinking about those vids._

Leaning against the wall, she closed her eyes as the water drenched her hair and ran down her body. "How much time, EDI?"

"Nineteen minutes, Commander."

"Good." Five minutes later, Shepard had finished meticulously washing from head to toe. She took a moment to relax and breath. As the water made its way through her strands of wavy hair, she closed her eyes and released a long and solemn sigh. The first image to pop into her head was Thane, sitting at his table in life support, and sipping the herbal concoction he loved so much. Lost in thought, the soothing spray of warm water drove off her nervousness as she slipped into a daydream where she whispered his name softly and close to his ear, his hand coming up to touch her face...

"Commander, five minutes until the hour."

" _What_? I must have drifted off. Shit."

She had to towel off before a powerful sense of exhaustion overwhelmed her. Water dripped down her face, blurring her vision as her arm flailed about, reaching for the towel rack.

"Thane is on his way up, Commander."

"Shit. He's early!" One hand rubbed at her eyes, and the other felt for the soft pile of her custom towels. She took a step to the side and snatched one. "Stupid towels!" Now fumbling with a towel, she managed to wrap it around her as she swiped at her eyes again. "I have to get someone to move that damn towel rack!" A slight breeze curved around the translucent shower screen, tingling her senses. She blinked twice, then focused on the dark shape suddenly appearing on the other side of the screen, in the doorway. "Thane?"

"I'm sorry, Siha." His hands flew up in defense, and he averted his eyes. "I heard you struggling and thought you might need help."

 _Oh my God, did he see me naked? Wait, no. He can't see through the frosted glass._ She glanced down at herself. _Okay, there's the towel._ "Thank God," she said, unaware that she'd actually spoken aloud.

"For what?" he said, his back now to her.

"Hm?" She fluffed her hair with her hands, her mind racing.

"Thank God for what?"

"Oh, for umm… hot water, and… towels." The slight edge of nervousness in her voice was unmistakable. "It's humid in here. You should get out."

"Ah, you think I was trying to catch a glimpse of you."

"Well, weren't you?" she asked, secretly hoping the answer was yes.

"I assure you, I was not ogling you. I looked away almost immediately."

"Almost? Well, hurray for you, Krios." She immediately knew how _that_ sounded. And why was he still standing there?

"You sound disappointed, Siha. I believe this is one of those moments where you want your cake and you want to eat it too." When she mumbled something rather crude, he decided to make a quick exit from the bathroom. "I'll be waiting in the other room."

"Make yourself comfortable," she said in a higher pitch than usual, then muttered "jerk" under her breath, but her smile was wide and unforced.

But Thane wasn't ready to sit and relax just yet. The first thing he spied was a pet hamster in a cage on the shelf next to the bathroom door. "Fried hamster, indeed." Then he went down the stairs and paced the room, noting the distinct lack of personal effects. Other than her pet hamster, there were no pictures, no mementos, no souvenirs, nothing to suggest a life, a history. This was just a place to keep her clothes, a place to sleep—when she could.

When Shepard emerged from the bathroom, he was watching the fish swim, mesmerized by their back and forth motions. He turned to see her standing there in a casual outfit of grey-blue, setting off her pale skin and nearly matching the color of her eyes. Damp ringlets of golden-brown hair danced on her shoulders, framing a face that had become more precious to him with each passing day. His lungs were suddenly squeezed of all air. He breathed in deeply, then smiled.

"You look comfortable tonight, Siha."

Her brows furrowed. "Comfortable? Is that supposed to be some sort of compliment?"

"No. Just an observation. You're wearing clothes similar to pajamas."

"That's because these _are_ my pajamas. Had you been _on time_ , I would've had a chance to pick out something more appropriate. These were already hanging in the bathroom."

"I'm sorry. I guess I was just anxious to see you."

She smiled, her whole face seeming to glow. "It's okay. I'm just busting your chops," she said as she descended the stairs. "Would you like a drink? Water, tea… something stronger?"

"Not just yet." Then he gave her an intimate perusal, his eyes sweeping over her face and body. It almost felt like a caress to her, and she blushed, lowering her eyes. "You are still nervous, Siha. If my company is causing you distress, perhaps it is better I leave."

"No! No, please stay," she said, not flinching even though she heard the desperation in her voice. "Don't mind me. I'm just a little out of sorts."

"If not because of me, then what has you so bothered?"

"I'm not really bothered, just distracted." She glanced away from his searching gaze. "Mordin gave me some documents earlier. He was trying to help me to understand the obstacles we may face as different species… interacting."

"Interacting," he said, knowing full well where this was heading. "So far I think our interactions have been honest, straightforward, and positive. Does he have a reason to believe it would be otherwise?"

"It has more to do with biological differences. Physical attributes and such. "

"Ah, more _intimate_ moments then."

"Yeah. But we don't need to talk about that right now," she said, her words running together.

"As you wish, Siha. But know that you can discuss anything with me. I am not shy should you want to know more about my bodily functions."

"Uh… well, I don't need know about personal hygiene or anything."

She was squirming now, and her eyes didn't meet his once during their exchange. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to say he'd read, and studied, the same documents. "I am well aware of the challenges we will face together in what we choose to do, or not do, in the bedroom."

"Oh. Well, I guess you're _not_ shy." She chanced looking at him, and noted his stance. "If I'm reading your body language correctly, you're feeling pretty smug about something. What is it?"

"I will not hide it from you any longer, Siha. I also received the same helpful tips from Mordin earlier. Rather thoughtful of him, don't you think?" She groaned at his cool, arrogant manner, but that didn't stop him. "I was impressed. I particularly like the one where the woman was resting her calves on the man's shoulders while her head dangled off the bed. Your thoughts?"

She felt like her head was already dandling off a bed as a wave of heat colored her face. "Yes, that one was… inspiring." When another wave crashed much lower, she shivered.

"Are you embarrassed, Siha?" he asked teasingly. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. "Don't be."

His demeanor softened, and an intriguing light warmed his dark eyes. She relaxed in his arms as they closed around her, comforting her and protecting her. He ran a finger down her back slowly. Every cell in her body ignited at his touch and cried out for more, but she forced back the moan rippling up from her throat and commented instead.

"I did have to keep tilting my head to figure out just how you would… and I would… It looked a bit like a circus act, to be honest. I'm not sure I'm flexible enough."

"It's not _that_ different than two humans together. Besides, I know exactly how flexible you are. Remember, I've seen you bending in ways even I can't in the heat of battle."

"That's different. That's training and instinct." She set her lips in a stubborn, hard line.

"Tell me, Siha, when you are with a human man in the throes of passion, do you wonder how to get from point A to point B? Or do you let the moment flow, allowing your lover's responses, desirable and undesirable, to make your heart speak loudly and boldly to guide your hands?" Her lips were no longer closed so firmly, accepting the tender mouth that moved briefly over hers. "We may be of a different species, but our hearts fill with the same unconditional affection without judgment. Then we no longer expect anything from the other person."

It should have bothered her, being so vulnerable, but somehow he made her feel bolder. "I guess that sounds about right."

"See? You over think things too much."

"Projection at its finest, Krios." He grinned as he gazed at her for a long moment. It was a piercing gaze, as if he were looking into her very soul. "You're staring at me," she said.

"Because I like what I see." He toyed with one of her curls, winding it around a finger.

"You've never touched hair like mine, have you?"

"I have not. I admit it is extremely pleasant to touch. But even more, your hair is like a halo, framing your face. It was the first thing I noticed about you."

"You didn't notice how pissed off I was?"

He laughed. "I saw that too, but I'm used to seeing frustration written on someone's features when they are outmaneuvered."

" _You_ were out maneuvered!"

"If you wish to believe that, I will not argue." She opened her mouth to protest but stopped as he buried his fingers in her damp hair, his hands gentle but so strong she could not turn her head away.

In response, she put her hands on his upper arms and held them tightly. They were powerful, as unyielding as granite beneath her hands. "We should work out together some time," she whispered, but that was not the first thought that occurred to her.

"I will not allow the subject to change," he said. "I also noticed your eyes that night. When I spoke of my illness, I looked at you and your eyes looked watery. Maybe it was a trick of the light, the neon lights outside falling over your face from the window."

"I didn't know you were…." She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Part of me was angry, afraid, I guess. I was sent to find you only to hear that you might not stick around long enough to help me take down the Collectors. That was just a gut reaction, but then I realized I felt sorry for you, even though I didn't know you." She gazed past him for a moment. "I was also thinking of my parents and how they'd died so young."

"Leaving you alone to fend for yourself."

"Yeah." A sad smile crossed her lips. "That's the story of my life. Everyone eventually leaves me for one reason or another."

"And I suppose that includes me as well," he whispered. "I don't want to-"

"No! I didn't mean it that way, Thane." She held his face in her hands with a look that spoke of a promise of the future. "I don't want to ruin this night or any time we spend together with my baggage. Let's change the topic." She looked away, quickly releasing his face, her cheeks flushed with guilt. Sighing, she turned her back to him and quickly filled two glasses with water. "Anything new in the last hour?" she asked, placing the waters on a table. After motioning for him to sit on the chair across from her, she steadied her drink and took a sip with both hands firmly holding the glass. Wide-eyed, she waited for him to speak.

"I spoke with Mordin, and he's been looking into the efforts to find a cure for Kepral's." She leaned forward, her expression intense, and he hoped she would come clean, but she remained stoic. "I know you asked him to do it, Siha, and I am not mad at you, but please don't go behind my back again."

A swell of guilt registered in her gut. She nodded miserably as he placed a comforting hand on hers. "I'm sorry, Thane. I should've cleared it with you first, but I knew you wouldn't agree to it. I had to ask. I had to know."

"I understand your reasons," he said, then smiled. "Apparently, there is a new inhalant and antibiotic that may help me. The side effects are minimal, and there has been a fair amount of success in the recent trials. It seems promising." He watched as the light returned to her eyes.

"That's great!" she said with a hint of anxiety simmering in her tone. "Will you try it?"

"I will consider it," he said calmly, although the burgeoning optimism he felt was hard to ignore.

"'Consider it?' You've got to be kidding me, Thane. How soon can Mordin get it?"

"With your approval, he can reproduce the medicines in his lab."

"Of course I approve!" He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. Why was he so composed and cool? Didn't he feel the excitement and anticipation she did? "Am I missing something here? Why haven't you jumped at this chance?" she pressed, the brightness in her eyes fading a bit.

"You must understand that I have stood at this precipice many times before only to be disappointed by the slow pace toward real progress. In the past, the medical tests wore on and on, and the endless experiences of doctors and scientists never seemed to help. More and more tests continued until I couldn't take it anymore. I am wary for good reason."

Backing off, she took a few deep breaths and looked at the ceiling for a few seconds. "All right, I can understand that, but if it'll give you more time…." Without thinking, she pushed her hands across the table toward him. As if by reflex, he covered them with his. Only his quiet presence and his hands holding hers in silent support allowed her to speak without tears. "I'm sorry. This is your choice, not mine. I won't pressure you anymore."

She was on the verge of tears, as was he. Could he tolerate one more trial, one more agonizing attempt to add a few months to his life? When he first met her, the answer was decidedly 'no'. But today, at this moment….

He brought her hands to his lips, kissed them, inhaled her scent. It made him dizzy, but didn't stop the words that finally came from his mouth. "I will allow Mordin to take what samples he needs from me and then begin the treatment as soon as it is ready."

"You will?" she asked just barely above a whisper.

"I will. More and more, the thought of leaving you to your own devices is… disturbing. If it can keep me in stronger health to fight by your side as long as possible and defeat the Collectors, I will submit."

A flash of hurt crossed her features, followed by something like resignation. "Yeah, you can't always rely on me to save your ass."

"Siha, there were a few other things I took into consideration before agreeing to try the medication."

"And what would those be?"

"I don't want to be cryptic, but if I say more, it may cause you to reconsider this evening with me."

"Doubt it, because I already know what you're thinking," she said, jumping from her chair, leaving his hands empty. "For starters, you think I'm gun-shy about getting involved since my last relationship turned to shit. And you may have a point there, but the reason it turned to shit was because Kaidan refused to pull his head out of ass long enough to see that I hadn't changed, that I was still Elizabeth Shepard, just with a few new parts," she said as her arms flailed, his amusement abundantly clear, and very annoying. "Glad you find this so entertaining."

Her face had reddened, her eyes pools of the darkest blue. He began to speak, but laughed instead, and then finally caught his breath. "Don't let me stop you."

"And secondly, you know damn well how much I like you, Thane Krios, and being the kind of person you are, you worry that if this medication fails, I won't be able to handle it."

Thane bit back an empathetic sigh and rose from the chair, walking to stand in front of her. "Kudos, Siha. You are mostly right about my thoughts."

"What did I miss?" she snapped.

"This." He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her to him, his lips pressing hard against hers with a passion that had little to do with desire. It had everything to do with his gratitude for this woman who now resided in his heart. He slowed the pace and kissed her gently, tenderly, his mouth lingering, tasting hers at his leisure.

When he raised his head, her heart was pounding, and her cheeks were flushed. "Elizabeth…." he breathed. "You have so many burdens, my Siha, but remember that I will help you carry them." And then he was kissing her again, his arms surrounding her as her whole body flamed in response to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and her lips crushed against his. He made a noise low in his throat, almost inaudible, while his hands roamed over her back and down onto her hips as he pressed into her.

He pulled his mouth from hers reluctantly, kissing her cheek. "We should… eat."

"Yeah." Her fingers lingered on his neck, curious, but gentle, as she caught her breath. "Your neck is turning a deeper shade of red."

"Because of you." His lips descended upon hers again, hard and demanding. He held her tighter to his chest, ignoring the urges boiling inside him as best he could. He felt her heart pounding, same as his, as he caressed her, wanting to meld his body with hers. Without releasing her or taking his lips from hers, he walked her backward until she was against the wall, pinning her with his weight. "I've longed to tell you about the effect your nearness has on my body, on my heart and soul. I haven't felt like this for many years. At times, it is overwhelming. "

His words went straight to her head like wine, and in that moment, she wanted to give him everything. She closed her eyes and swallowed. "This effect is good then? Not like finding yourself in uncharted territory, wondering whether you should head east or west, right?"

"Right. You will always be my destination, Siha, and my delight."

Melting in his arms, she loved the feeling of his hands on her, but had to slide out of his grasp and move away from him before she became reckless. She was not used to any man taking the lead like this, speaking to her like this. Kaidan often waited for her to move first. Even in bed, he was more action oriented, not one to whisper sweet nothings or wax poetic. This was new, exciting, liberating even, but she couldn't help feeling almost frightened too. She was going to have to give this a great deal of thought, but now wasn't the time. She needed to find her balance again.

And he watched her recompose herself, pleased that he had unsettled her, for all the right reasons.

Then, as if on cue, EDI announced, "Your dinners are waiting outside the doors, Commander."

"Thanks, EDI." She looked at Thane with a sidelong glance under her hooded eyelids. "Are you as hungry as I am?"

"Starving."

Together, they retrieved the food and brought it back to the table. A bottle of champagne was chilling in an ice bucket, and a bowl of plump strawberries sat close by. The only thing missing to complete the romantic dinner was a candle and some soft music. She fixed that by turning on the stereo and setting a battery operated votive between them.

The aroma of their meals tantalized their appetites when she lifted the silver lids from the plates, both surprised to see their favorite meals revealed. They looked at each other and smiled in unison. After she put a napkin on her lap, she glanced up at him again. "I guess we both thought to ask someone about our favorite foods." She nibbled on a French fry thoughtfully.

"You know what they say about like minds." Thane dug into his giant salad, covered with dried meats and small chunks of cheese.

"Who told you? Mordin, right? I'm sure anyone else would have said I loved headcheese and chocolate-covered grasshoppers."

"Precisely." He decided not to mention Garrus' veiled threat, but wondered if Shepard knew how her crew watched out for her. "Garrus and Joker were less than forthcoming about your preferences, but Mordin set me straight."

"But he didn't take in account how messy these burgers are. By the time I'm done, my chin will be covered in burger juice and bread crumbs. Not very attractive."

"Not necessarily unattractive either. I've never tried burger juice and breadcrumbs before."

His flirtations were far from subtle, working on her like an aphrodisiac. "You're surprisingly provocative, Thane. I like that." He simply shrugged, although she was sure he felt pleased with himself based on his expression. It was hard to get a read on him at times; any movement of his facial muscles was far less obvious than in a human, but she was learning.

Thane watched her intently, committing to memory every chirp of delight, every little smile she unknowingly wore. She'd finally let her guard down and felt secure with him, the attraction between them like a bonding energy that held metal together.

"Thane, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course, Siha. I have nothing to hide from you." He glanced up and found her watching him with an inquisitive gleam in her eyes, her shoulders squared.

"All those years you hunted down Irikah's killers," she paused, wanting to chew on a fingernail, but sat motionless instead. "Did you ever have any relationships with other women?" It wasn't like her to be envious, especially about the past. What was wrong with her?

"Relationships, no. Relations, yes. One night here, another there," he said. "Nothing but passing time until I moved on. I certainly wasn't looking for love."

Any remaining defensiveness evaporated, and she visibly relaxed. "A real heartbreaker then, hm?"

"I'm not sure any of the women I knew would see it that way. Most of them were not… good women. They were not like you, Siha."

Flattered beyond expression, she continued to eat her dinner, watching Thane as he did the same. An occasional mischievous glance was sent his way, a few flirtatious gazes were exchanged, and some promising remarks were offered until they were both finished.

"And now for dessert," she said, pouring some champagne into each flute. "Here's to you, Thane. To us." The glasses clinked together as their eyes met again.

"I'd like to add one more sentiment. Do you mind?" She smiled in response, half closing her eyes at the brief but gentle touch of his hand against her cheek. He began to speak, low and soft, slowly. "A quote from Shakespeare comes to mind, and I think it is appropriate for this moment. It goes, 'My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.'"

His words took her utterly by surprise. She was speechless, for once, and suddenly happier than she had ever been. Searching for her voice, she struggled to regain composure through her tears. "That was beautiful, Thane. Thank you."

Not willing to wait another minute to hold her, he stood and pulled her to her feet, then swept her up in his arms, his lips near to hers, until there was nothing between them but breath. "I see your tears, Elizabeth Shepard, and I feel your weariness and guilt. But then I see what is invisible to the eye. The dreams, the longing, the intentions, and the infinite depth. I've been trying to make this dark universe a little brighter before I die, but in you, my Siha, there is already an eternal light. In you, I see hope. In you, I see a future. For all of us."

Her face lit up, and she threw her arms around him and kissed him with all the warmth and enthusiasm he had hoped for.

In a burst of energy, she sent him flying onto the bed, landing on top of him, her arms and legs sprawled as she peppered him with kisses. He made a sound of such contentment she quickly dismissed any thought that her weight was making him uncomfortable. She kissed him with all the heat and craving and unrequited lust that had been locked up in her body for months on end.

Grudgingly, she pulled away from him, breathing heavily, but he caught hold of her hand and drew her back before she could move too far away.

"What is it, Siha?" He continued nuzzling her, nipping at her throat and teasing her skin with his tongue.

"God, Thane, I have never, _ever_ wanted someone the way I want you right now. But I think we should wait." He flipped her onto her back and leaned in to press kisses to her face, silent but for his breath in her ear. Maybe he didn't understand. If he'd understood, he'd be upset, and he didn't seem particularly disturbed. "Did you hear me?"

"I did," he said between kisses, "and I agree. But that doesn't mean I don't want to touch you, and taste you." She relaxed against him again as his lips left a trail of kisses. Hot, soft, smooth, her sighs helped him to map the sensitive nerves on her neck and along her shoulders, down her arm to her fingertips, where he paused to kiss each one. "You taste like sunlight and moonbeams," he said in a reverent whisper. "And burger juice. Quite delicious." The warmth of her laughter filled the room, enchanting him. He wanted her to laugh like that at least fifty times a day.

She sobered suddenly, and caressed his cheek, delicately stroking the dark shadow in the hollow under his eye. She traced his perfect nose, his beautiful lips, lingering to smooth a fingertip over his chin. "Maybe after Tuchanka? Or whenever. We shouldn't plan it." Her gaze followed his as they sat up, her expression thoughtful, a touch of concern in her eyes.

"Never doubt that I want you, Siha, but you are right. We should not rush what we know will come in time. Promise me that you will not worry over this."

"I won't."

"Good," he whispered against her mouth. "Speaking of Tuchanka, who are you bringing with you?"

"As if you have to ask. You, of course. And maybe Garrus too," she added. "I'm not a fan of the Krogans and they know it. And I don't want anything to happen to Mordin. He gets pretty ballsy when he's in the thick of it. I've had to reel him in too many times, order him to take cover. He thinks he's invincible."

"I'll keep a close eye on him then." He instinctively placed an arm around her. "I'd best prepare my things for tomorrow."

"Me too. Duty calls and all that." She was intensely aware of her body so close to him, her thigh touching his. It had a more calming effect on her than the champagne. "I'll go to CIC for a while, tell Garrus to prep, and then I'll stop by to see you before I go to bed. Okay?"

He stood and touched her chin, his gaze direct. "See that you do." Embracing her, he planted a kiss on her lips, a long and lingering kiss that made her go limp in his arms. Only when the last echo of the kiss had finished vibrating through her body did he release her. "This was a lovely evening. We should dine together more often."

"We should." She squeezed his hand. "We _will_."

"I look forward to seeing you later, Siha."

He didn't wait for her response, leaving her quickly, but not before hearing her whispered goodbye. As he made his way to life support, he knew instead of concentrating on the tasks ahead, he would find his mind consumed with thoughts of her—her beauty, her voice, her habits, all her varied charms.

Slow wasn't exactly Thane's favorite speed for most things, but for her he would make it work. Having made the decision to try the new medication, he felt good. Very good. He vowed to bring her comfort, peace, and assurance, to be her guiding force, just as she would be his strength when he faltered. Once inside life support, a sense of peace washed over him, peace unlike anything he'd experienced before. He bowed his head.

"Arashu, grant me forgiveness for all my transgressions, and if I am unable, protect my friend, Elizabeth Shepard. Protect my Siha that we may share a love amidst the storms of life."

 _Fear not, my Siha. I will watch over you through the long, dark nights. We_ will _prevail._

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed away from Mass Effect because I just knew there would be one character who would inspire me to write. I tried to resist, I really did, but then I injured my back and couldn't' do much for a week. I bought the ME games and they sucked me right in. I thought Kaidan was going to be my Shepard's savior, and he was for a time, but then Thane emerged, his deep convictions and calm disposition blowing the socks off her. I had to write him. This story starts shortly after Shepard helped Thane find his son in ME2.


End file.
